Basic Bride is a new wedding column from Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder. If you’re looking for advice, stop right here. But read on if you want honest, hilarious commentary on the trials of planning a wedding that millions of people will watch.
When I was younger, before I even got into relationships I thought could end in marriage, I always assumed I would get a prenup. Maybe it’s because both of my parents have been divorced three times. I don’t know. But to me, prenup doesn't feel like a dirty word.
I know the very idea of a prenup seems contradictory to some people. They say, “Why marry if you're planning for your divorce?” That's not how I feel about it, though. I mean, no one goes into a marriage assuming divorce is an option. If you are, you shouldn't be getting married. Other people say, “Just have a commitment ceremony.” But we want the same rights as a married couple. Marriage is a contract—and just like with any contract, there are rules, guidelines, and expectations. I think everyone should consider it, regardless of what you have in the bank.
People are surprised that I talk about getting a prenup so easily, but that’s how we should talk about it. There shouldn't be this stigma about it. Prenups for so long have this sexist connotation—people think of gold diggers and things like that. Men who have a lot of money and are trying to protect it from women. That's not what a prenup is about. It's a mutually beneficial agreement so both partners feel safe and taken care of.
My fiancé, Beau, and I didn't need to have a big conversation about it—you know, where one of us sat the other down and said, "How would you feel about a prenup?" He's from a family of divorce too, so we both just knew that's what we would do. And the more Beau and I talk about it, the more I realize we're so in sync. We're able to have those hard conversations. If I’m going to commit to someone for the rest of my life, I need to be able to talk about uncomfortable things like finances. I've found the whole experience to be romantic and sweet, in a way. We're close enough to discuss anything. Nothing is off limits.
Beau and I have only just begun the process. Ideally, I’d like us to go in together and discuss our thoughts and the things we want. Then we can separate and find our own lawyers. So far, though, every time we discuss the prenup it's been an easy conversation. It's not like either of us is serving it to the other person. We want to make these decisions together.
We have two dogs we love, so they have to be in there. My career is also very important to me, and it only keeps growing. One thing that I've made clear during the preliminary prenup conversations is that Beau has given up a lot of time in his own career to help mine, and that's something I want to be taken into consideration. I've asked him to take a step back from his work as a casting director to come on tour with me; so while it was important that I protect my career and everything that I've built, there has to be a clause that gives him credit too because he's now making part of his career about helping me.
So don't be offended if your partner suggests a prenup. A marriage is, like I said, a contract. Even though you don’t expect to get divorced, life does happen. You never know. A prenup just helps you prepare yourself for that, so it's easy and fair for everyone.
Every time I've brought the prenup up, people are either shocked or like, “Well, obviously.” There's no middle. If you start talking about a prenup with your partner and it becomes a source of contention and arguing, maybe you should look at your relationship. Maybe there are some cracks there. You should be able to talk about everything, because when you sign a prenup you're disclosing all that you have. It's a vulnerable place for two people to be. And if you can be vulnerable together, I think you're doing pretty well as a couple.
Stassi Schroeder is an author and reality-TV personality. Follow her on Twitter @stassi. Her book Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic Bitch Handbook is now available.
Hear more from Stassi on Glamour’s What I Wore When podcast.
Photographer: Nyra Lang; fashion editor: Shilpa Prabhakar Nadella; hair: Leon Gorman; makeup: Stephanie Peterson
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