DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has arranged for me to sleep with her “sex-starved” best friend. She would be devastated to know we’re already at it behind her back.
I’m 34 and my wife is 31. We have a boy of three and a girl who is nearly a year old.
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My wife had severe post-natal depression after having our daughter and went right off sex.
I didn’t want to pressure her but it felt like a serious sex famine.
Her friend separated from her husband a few months ago. She’s 31 and was sex-starved too.
It’s always been obvious she fancies me. I’ve resisted but one night she came round for drinks and we were in the kitchen together while my wife settled our little girl.
We had a hot kiss and were both so aroused she started touching me intimately. We pulled back from the brink but there was no mistaking what we both wanted.
A few weeks ago we were at my wife’s cousin’s wedding. This friend was a guest, too, as they all grew up together.
We risked everything and sneaked away from the party afterwards for a quickie.
It was fantastic and her friend put so much more into it than my wife has for years.
We enjoyed it so much we’ve risked it a few times since.
My wife is finally feeling better and came on to me a few nights ago, saying she felt sexy again.
It was great but I couldn’t help thinking about how hot her friend is.
The next day my wife said how much better you feel after sex and said she wanted to cheer her friend up so suggested I should have sex with her friend.
She texted her friend with the idea and of course she said yes.
But I feel hurt and used to think my wife could knowingly allow me to have sex with her friend.
She says I can carry on having sex with her friend but must not stray with anyone else.
Now I don’t know whether to do this, or to walk away from them both. I know most men would love the chance to have sex with two women but, much as I enjoy it, I’m not sure.
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Knowing it’s been set up has made me think it’s not such a good idea.
The buzz of it being secret has been spoiled, too. It’s not the same any more.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not sure whether your wife is naive or very clever.
I wonder if she’d picked up the sexual tension between you and her friend, and took the fun out of it for you in a cunning way.
You know in your heart where you have to go from here. You have to stop having sex with your wife’s friend and rejoice that your wife’s first thought once she felt better was to get her sex life with you back on track.
Give her a chance – and a few hints – and sex can soon be sizzling.
Meanwhile, you have two small children who need a loving and committed hands-on dad at home.
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