DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife had an affair with a colleague and then told a disgusting lie to justify her behaviour.
She told her work friends that I was abusive, which is totally untrue.
We’ve been married for 17 years, have a ten-year-old boy and a baby daughter. We are both 39. She’s an estate agent and I manage a hardware store.
Looking back, I should have spotted the signs she was playing away.
She started buying nice clothes on the internet and spent twice as long on her appearance for work.
One evening, I thought I’d surprise her and take her out for dinner. But when I arrived at her office she was out on a viewing. Her work friend was really frosty with me.
She said: “I can’t believe you’d even show your face in here after what you’ve done to your wife.”
When I quizzed my wife, she reacted sheepishly but then accused me of checking up on her.
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Eventually she burst into tears and admitted she’d been having an affair with her colleague. When the rest of the staff found out, she told them I was an abusive partner.
This shook me to the core. It felt worse than the cheating itself. I had always treated her with the utmost respect.
I asked her for a divorce but then she dropped another bombshell – that she was pregnant with our second child.
It took some time but I decided we should try to make the best of what we have. The affair is now over, but I’m still not happy.
I’ve started chatting to women online and I feel good at that moment, but afterwards I feel guilty wondering why I’d stoop to that level.
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Send an email to [email protected]
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DEIDRE SAYS: You have not dealt with the hurt you felt after finding out about her affair and the damaging lies she told about you.
You’ve both swept it under the carpet, focusing on the birth of your child, but a baby shouldn’t be born into a house of tension.
I hear from many couples who get through the trauma of an affair, only to find that things are much stronger between them, and I have faith this will happen for you too.
Find a moment to tell your wife that you would like you both to have some counselling to help you to remember why you met and fell in love.
Check out online counselling through Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
My support pack called Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you both to start communicating again.
NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My girlfriend’s ex pays her to do his washing and calls in for dinner every day
READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK Jim goes behind Louise's back and breaks the lockdown rules for his affair
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