‘I’m married with a baby, but his annoying ex-wife is still in the picture’

Dear Coleen

My husband and I had a baby four months ago and we’re very happy. However, he has an ex-wife and two children and, while I get on great with his kids when they come to stay, his wife is really difficult.

I think she goes out of her way to be annoying – constantly texting, emailing and calling my husband. He’s quite relaxed about it, but I think most of it is unnecessary and I’m extra annoyed at the moment because we have a new baby and I’d like to focus on our time together without his ex constantly being in our lives.

Of course I understand that he needs to maintain a relationship with her for their kids, but not this much. We got married two years ago and my husband’s marriage ended four years ago, so I don’t get why there needs to be this level of contact.

I just don’t get why my husband doesn’t speak to her and ask her to back off a bit. His kids are a bit older now and he sees them regularly, so there’s no issue there. Does he enjoy this contact?

What do you think I should do?

Coleen says

I think you need to take a deep breath and step back from this. You have your gorgeous new baby to focus on, so try to shut out all the other noise.

I think you’re probably feeling extra sensitive at the moment as a new mother and maybe his ex is, too – maybe she feels a bit insecure about her children’s place in their father’s life now he has a baby.

It could be a question of being the bigger person and reaching out to her, and reassuring her that her children will always be welcomed and loved, and the baby won’t change that.

It’s worth a shot because, as you ­acknowledge, she’s always going to be in the picture to some extent.

I do think as the months go on and you become more and more absorbed in parenthood, and she gets used to the situation, everything will calm down. However, that shouldn’t stop you from talking to your husband about it and telling him how you feel, so he can keep it in mind and give you some reassurance.

But try not to get angry or upset about it because this is a special time and you don’t want to look back and wish you’d taken a different stance.

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