Funny Mother's Day Quotes From Celebrities Like Kylie Jenner and Jennifer Lopez

With Mother’s Day coming up, it’s the perfect time to examine our situation as parents- and then have a laugh about it. Because let’s face it, motherhood is funny. Even celebrities, with their nannies and maids, known that motherhood will sometimes throw you for a loop. Just listen to them explain it. Here are the funniest celebrity quotes about parenting.

Celebrity mothers on living with kids

“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.” –Carrie Underwood

“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” –Reese Witherspoon

“I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.” – Eva Mendes

“You cannot imagine what it’s like to be a mom until you are a mom. I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had you two, the minute I had you two, I literally apologized to all my friends.” –Jennifer Lopez

“Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.” –Kristen Bell

“Meditation is my thing. But I’m not going to lie: sometimes I go into my closet and lock the door so no one can find me.” –Gwen Stefani

“Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Some days I feel like I should win best mom of the day award, and some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.” –Kate Hudson

“You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” –Jennifer Garner

“You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a drug addict.” –Blake Lively

“Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch out of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.’” –Christina Applegate

“‘I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’” –Anna Faris

“It’s f**king hard. I thought it would be easy. ‘Everyone f**king does it, how hard can it be?’ Oh…” –Adele

“We’re not spending a day apart until she’s eighteen.” –Serena Williams

“There’s just a lot always going on, whether you have one kid, two kids, ten kids. So sometimes, I don’t always heat up [the meal] if I’m giving him leftovers. If he’s starving, I won’t always heat up the food. He’ll like touch it and then he makes a shiver sound like, ‘Brr.’ Probably not like he wants to remember from mom’s home cooking, like, ‘It was really cold.’” –Ellie Kemper

Celebrity mothers on sleep deprivation

“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.” –Amy Poehler

“Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” –Shonda Rhimes, creator of Grey’s Anatomy 

“Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” –Alyson Hannigan

“I’m a walking zombie and I think I’m going to be like that for a while.” –Tiffani Thiessen

“It gets crazy. Everybody knows that whole 4 to 8 at night is like chaos. It’s like the crazy time in our house. The other day we were driving home and I was thinking, ‘OK, Motel 6. If I can just find one and go there and disappear. Disappear from my life.’” –Gwen Stefani

“Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.” –Tina Fey

Celebrity mothers on pregnancy and birth

“The doctor says, ‘You see that right there, that little grain of rice? That’s the baby. You see this other little grain of rice over here? That’s the other baby.’ I was like ‘What.‘ I started laughing hysterically. I just laughed out loud, I couldn’t believe it. And that’s how I found out I was having twins.” –Jennifer Lopez

“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.” –Chrissy Teigen

“There’s a whole birthing plan, but what is the plan other than to get it out? I mean, there isn’t an option to kind of keep it in, is there? So I’m assuming my plan is to get it out. But apparently, there’s more to the plan than that. I don’t know what that is.” –Keira Knightly

“Stop saying ‘we’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No.” –Mila Kunis

“People always say that pregnant women have a glow,” she says. “And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death. I think they just tell pregnant women they’re glowing to make them feel good about themselves.” –Jessica Simpson

“When I look to the far future and decide to have kids, I need to have a million girls.” –Kylie Jenner before her pregnancy with Stormi

“My baby’s body fat is 2 to 3% this week. I’m so jealous.” –Pink

“Very lucky to be pregnant, but this is some bulls**t.” –Amy Schumer

“First of all, you haven’t seen your vagina in months, even though it’s all her fault you’re in this situation. Now that you can finally confirm that she is, in fact, still there, she isn’t the gal that you remember, and would rather you back off and give her some space (and an ice diaper) for the time being, thank you very much.” –Olivia Wilde

“I never stopped burping. And I felt terrible about it, but there was just nothing I could do—I would be in the middle of saying something and I’d just start burping. It was awful. I felt like a frat boy.” –Katherine Heigl

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