Donald Trump: Screw It, Maybe I WILL Pardon Joe Exotic!

We don’t need to tell you that we’re living through one of the most bonkers times in American history.

After all, just a few short months ago, you’d probably never heard of Tiger King or the coronavirus, and now those two things are the subjects of roughly 140 pecent of all social media posts.

We may have to re-check our math on that.

The point, is it’s a presidential election year, but Joe Exotic and the spiky lung ball of death are completely dominating the national conversation.

As you’re probably aware by now, Mr. Exotic is currently behind bars.

The former zoo proprietor is serving a 22-year sentence on murder for hire and animal abuse charges, and he has little hope for early release.

But that doesn’t mean the man of the hour is giving up completely.

Instead, Joe is turning to a kindred spirit and asking Donald Trump for a presidential pardon.

It’s a long shot, but because 2020 is the year without rules or sanity, it might actually happen.

During a White House press conference on Wednesday, the Donald fielded a question about the possibility of freeing the Tiger King from his cage.

A reporter referred to the show as “one of the biggest ratings hits during the coronavirus — aside from these briefings,” and naturally that description captured the president’s famously fickle attention.

Trump stated that he had not watched the show, but that his son, Don Jr., had made a case for Exotic.

“I don’t know, I know nothing about it,” he admitted. “He has 22 years for what? What did he do?”

The reporter then filled Trump in on the charges against Exotic, which piqued the Donald’s curiosity.

“Do you think he didn’t do it? Are you on his side? Are you recommending a pardon?” he asked.

It turns out, that was the conversational equivalent of smearing sardine oil on someone’s shoe right before they step into the tiger’s den, and the president revealed his trap with glee.

“As a reporter you’re not allowed to do that,” Trump said with a smile. 

“Would you recommend a pardon?” he asked the reporter

“I’m not weighing in on Tiger King,” the journalist replied with fully justified indignity.

“I don’t think you would. I don’t think you would,” Trump said before promising to “take a look” at Exotic’s case.

It was only then that Trump was filled in on Joseph Maldonado-Passage’s stage name, which of course appealed to his love of pageantry and bravado.

“Is that Joe Exotic? That’s Joe Exotic?” Trump asked with a smile.

Mind you, all of this took place during a press conference that was supposed to center around the worst public health crisis in modern history.

White House Correspondent Yamiche Alcindor summed up the exchange on Twitter, writing, “A Tiger King question at the White House. I can’t.”

Sounds like it may be quite a while before Joe Exotic gets sprung from the clink, but at least we now have full confirmation that we’re living in a simulation, and the alien operating it just tried LSD for the first time.

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