WELCOME to Ask Chloe, the no-holds-barred advice column with Chloe Madeley. Every other week Chloe answers sex and relationship questions from Fabulous readers, offering unflinching advice on how to deal with everything from lacklustre sex to finding the perfect partner.
This week she looks at threesomes, cross-dressing and that thorny celebrity dilemma The Strictly curse….
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WIFE HAS NO IDEA I DRESS AS A WOMAN
Q) I AM married but I enjoy wearing women’s clothes.
I’ve always kept it a secret. I have been in a happy relationship with my wife for many years but she has no idea about my secret compulsion.
When I’m dressed that way I feel so alive and happy.
I feel like me. It’s not a fetish, though, and has nothing to do with my sexuality.
In recent months I have started to go out dressed up and I want to do it more.
I’m worried it’s starting to get out of control – I’m beginning to feel like this is how I want to live.
Just because you like dressing as a woman doesn’t make you homosexual
A) Firstly, it is very common for men to enjoy being dressed as a woman.
We know the lines between gender and sexuality are very blurred and can sometimes feel confused.
Just because you like dressing as a woman doesn’t make you homosexual or mean it’s a fetish.
If this is who you are at your core, you need to speak to your wife and tell her.
Explain it’s coming from within you and that it doesn’t mean you are sexualising men or the trans culture.
I would encourage an open and honest conversation about your feelings.
Women can really surprise you. Their ability to get to the heart of issues and deal with them compassionately is huge.
If you’re nervous about having this conversation, try speaking to a therapist who specialises in trans issues.
They will help you with the best way to broach this with your wife in a sensitive way for you both.
It may be that a couple of sessions help you deal with things, or perhaps it’ll be recommended that you talk to your wife in a session.
That way you’ll have a mediator there who is well-versed in the issue to help explain things so there is no panic.
TURNED ON BY THOUGHT OF A THREESOME
Q) WHEN I got together with my boyfriend a year ago, I knew he was adventurous in bed.
We’ve tried roleplay, had sex outside and he loves acting out my fantasies for me.
I’m happy to do that for him too but recently he said he wants a threesome.
The idea of it really turns me on, especially as he’s happy for it to be with another bloke.
But a little bit of me is worried that it might mess things up between us.
Am I not enough for him?
Is that why he won’t stop asking?
James would feel all his birthdays and Christmases had come at once if I said yes
A) Most men in their twenties and thirties have grown up watching porn – so having a threesome is par for the course for them.
James has had one. He’s chatted to me about it openly. But it’s not something I could ever do.
It would feel like we were cheating on each other.
I’m not interested whatsoever in having one with my husband.
It doesn’t float my boat, so it’s a no-go zone for me.
James would feel all his birthdays and Christmases had come at once if I said yes but it’s never going to happen.
If you’re not sure, don’t do it.
There is only one kind of couple that should have a threesome and will survive one: The couple who are absolutely both gunning for it.
They love the idea, get turned on thinking about it and have absolutely no issue sharing their partner.
If you aren’t sure, you’re not comfortable with it. So don’t do it.
It could destroy your relationship and become the biggest regret of your life.
SHOULD celebs whose partners are bubbled with their dance pro worry about “the Strictly Curse”?
Let’s cut to the chase: You can’t have an affair if the opportunity doesn’t present itself.
If it does, you’re in risky waters. It might only be a matter of time before you succumb to temptation. Human nature is undeniable.
When James and I got serious, I was still training with men in the gym.
After a few months, he respectfully asked me if I thought that was a good idea.
Having an attractive man’s shoulder to cry on while he corrects my squat technique might not be the best idea in the world.
I haven’t had a male training partner since.
When they asked James to do Strictly, I stayed pretty quiet, as his life and career are not for me to control.
Secretly, though, I hoped he’d realise his rugby injuries would be a huge problem when it came to the daily dancing.
When he turned it down because of just that, I was so relieved – I told him how much of a risk it would have been.
Like it or lump it, relationship-wise, Strictly is a game of Russian roulette.
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